Thursday, October 16, 2003
I don't know what to write or say or do or anything right now. I just heard my best friend is leaving me to join the army. I don't know what to do. I told her I will go with her if she goes. I don't want to though. That would be one of the biggest decisions I could make, and damn I don't want her to go through it alone. I just want to cry. I wish there was someone who could make the decision for me, but I know that could potentially be one of the biggest mistakes of my life either way.
Jake and I are talking a little bit here and there. He says he was just kidding but I dont know whether to believe him or not. He told me he was engaged. I've never felt an emotional stabbing so deep. It was all I could do to not tell him how much it hurt. I need to look into his eyes and know whether or not hes actually engaged. I'm scared to let him see into my eyes though. I know he can see exactly how I feel when he does. I don't want him to know.
So I'm shaking and cannot talk to anyone. Give me strength and someone to talk to to tell me that everything is ok. Everything will be all right. But I'm not ready for Jake to be gone. I'm not ready to let my best friend go. I love them both and I don't know if I can handle them being gone.
Di-Havana Fales link
2:38 PM
