Monday, September 22, 2003
John, help!Its starts out I’m watching Dougie for the night in our apartment. I am looking for something, but I don’t know what so I walk down the hallway towards shannas room, when I get halfway down the hall everything changes and I’m not in the same apartment. Its still our apartment but everything is different. So I continue to shannas room still looking for something but when I get there shannas room is a lot different. Its still all of our stuff but it seems to be on a stage, like you might find in a middle/high school.. There are glass sliding doors that are her bedroom doors, and then to the right there is another door leading to a living room type area. But somehow when you walk out of her room there isn’t a living room to the right there is an alcove with some ivy and just green plants sitting on a shelf. Also there is ceiling fan hanging from a hook right above my head. A little more to the right is a door that leads to dougies room, where he is sleeping. Suddenly I notice its getting dark and I need to turn on the light, but there are so many switches I can’t figure out which one turns on the light. After I finally find the right switch and turn on the light. As soon as I hit the switch the fan comes off the hook and almost hits me on the head. I managed to catch it before the fan blades could come down on my head but now I can’t find the switch again to turn the fan back off. So somehow I managed to find the pull string and turn the fan off. I set the fan on the floor and climbed up to a place where I could re-hang the light. Once I am back on the floor I got this horrible feeling like I can’t move very well, I can’t breathe, and I just feel like I’m so drunk I’m going to die.. I am walking through the house trying to find something, and yet feeling like I’m going to die. I can still hardly move and its just scary as hell. Finally I went outside to see if I can find someone to help me. Suddenly my father is there. He asked me if I was ok and how everything is going. I respond with “I’m not ok, I don’t know what but something is very wrong. and I think I need to go to the hospital now” but nothing is really coming out of my mouth but air. And as I was talking (or not talking) it was dark all the sudden and he couldn’t see that I was talking. He must have assumed that everything was ok because he walked away. I’m still trying to talk when I lose all my strength and pass out. I don’t remember where I woke up but I was freaking out. I kept trying to find someone but I couldn’t for the longest time, when I finally go into the room adjoining shannas and I find doug sitting there with amber in his lap. I knew doug was cheating on shanna so I didn’t do anything, I just got pissed. I can’t get them to stop fooling around so that I can ask them what happened. I kept saying over and over again, “Aam I ok? Did my father get me to the hospital? What happened and is dougie ok?” but they just wont listen. Finally I get him to pay attention to me and by this time he’s not wearing any pants.(although amber is still fully dressed) As I got a little bit closer I noticed that dougie was right there, and obviously ok, so I was relieved at that. But I noticed that dougie was biting his fathers erection, which really disturbed me and I pulled him away. So I still cant get doug to answer me. When I get him to listen somehow I get the idea that if I do something (I’m not going to say what since I’m in school, but I did notice that he was wearing a condom I don’t know why I noticed that but it was very obvious to me. ) He’ll tell me. So I figure whatever and do it. But he still wont tell me. And I get really pissed and go to try and find shanna again. So I go back into her room. When I get in there she’s not paying any attention to me because she is moving all of our stuff out of the stage/room. I also notice that there are more lights on and I can see that instead of walls there are more stages off to the left and right. I have the idea that it’s a school and maybe I should go try and find someone to help me. So I go to the back of the stage/room and suddenly there are children all around me doing a puppet show and I’m low crawling through them trying not to be seen by any audience there might be. When I finally got to the back of the stage I found an older woman in her 60’s or so watching the kids from the back. I figured that she must be a teacher. So I asked her where I was and what was going on, she told me that this was stage four and to my right were stages 5 6 and 7. I could see that to the left of me were more kids doing puppet shows and I didn’t feel like crawling through any more kids so I went to the right and saw a door around a 45 degree angle (it looked sort of like the school was shaped like a hexagon. I went through the door and saw a play place . I decided to go in to try and find some one I might know to tell me what had happened. There are two ways to enter and I try to go through the easy way but there is a through to try and find somebody but there is a black man and his son coming through and they wont let me past so I decide to go the other way. The other way is a slide made of slip and slide plastic so I go down this but halfway down the slide closes itself off. The roof of the slide here looks like monkey bars that have plastic rings going across the top. I think that that I’m supposed to try and get through the holes., so I try and find a spot to get through when all the sudden the slide opens up and I slide to the bottom. When I get to the bottom I see some penny machines that look like the pencil machines you might see in a school office. I somehow know that you’d get gum out of them and I wanted some but all I had was a quarter and a nickel. But there was a quarter machine that would give you change back. So I did that and got back some French roasted peanuts and a bunch of pennies along with another nickel. So I got in line behind two girls for the penny machines. I heard one ask the other what color she got and I noticed that they were holding colored eyeliner in their hands, and I got confused, but I put my penny in the machine after they left anyways. And got 5 colored pencils. They had plastic caps on them and I thought cool, that’ll protect them I realized at that point that I was getting anywhere at this place, so I left (the way that I tried to get in the first time). So somehow I ended up at the hospital. . I found a girl with I saw a girl there who I thought was Rachel with really shot hair, one way or another I recognized her and she knew me. So I tried to ask her what had happened if my father had brought me here, if I was ok and what was going on. But she just kept talking about why she was here. So I got pissed and as we were walking along I noticed some glass doors that looked like the doors that lead to shannas room from the hallway so I step through the doors and realize that there is no floor and that I am falling. When I hit the ground I realized that I was back in shannas room. All of our stuff is back in her room and all our stuff is back in the room. Shanna is there too and I ask her if m ok and if I had made it to the hospital and what was going on but she’s not paying attention to me like she doesn’t see me. So I walk out of her room and I see the light switches again. A soon as I saw the light switches I got the same feeling I had before. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like I was walking under water, I couldn’t talk and I just felt like I was so drunk I was going to die. My chest felt very heavy and I remembers falling against the wall and slowly to the floor and everything going black. It felt like death. The feeling I had throughout this dream was hopelessness and despair, especially despair. When I woke up I opened my eyes and the Simpson’s were still playing on TV and Lisa said to homer(but I swear she was looking at me ) If your not careful”
Di-Havana Fales link
10:56 AM
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Yeah So heh, Hi. My template is all messed up, I'm sorry. I don't really have time to fix it.
Di-Havana Fales link
10:23 AM
