Saturday, September 28, 2002
I think I love him still
wand
then I wake up and I rememeebr that hey hes a fucker and I can't deal with it anymore. I still feel the same feeling s but somewhere in the
I remember hes done to me terrible
shit
I will always remember
I will always care
I will always be there for him
Why doesnt he love me
I dont know
why dont I love him
I dont know
but I know that I love him still
make it stop
I can't do it alone
so I moved on to someone else
and i dont love him
but hes so good to me
make this work
maybe I'll come to love him
true love comes with time and nothing more
if your compatible then your cool
if your not then your not meant to be, right?
So I've lost the trick once more and I'm moving on
to check my spelling errors and listen to emo
Punk rockers drive me insane
true punkers wouldnt be the way that they say in the papers
beacuse true punkers dont say that they are, its just known
I used to know one
he was so great.
I know he loves me
because I take care of him
and I'd be a good mother
and a good wife
its obvious to those who look
he dressed like a punk but he acted like a lover. even though he wasnt my lover he acted the same
I loved him
in that crazy platonic way most girls love most guys
I hope it works
so dont go marry her
divorce the other if you want
but dont marry her
I'm the one
your not the one for me
until I make it so
and I have the power to make it so
it will work
for I am a punk rock princess
and you will be my steady prince
Di-Havana Fales link
9:14 PM
Why is then shark on drunkenbattle blog named testi?
Its not the same as teste, but tis too close for my comfort. I'm drunk by the way. And I've posted, yay me.
Di-Havana Fales link
8:59 PM
Tiring frustrating day.
Must stop thinking about boys.
Di-Havana Fales link
6:24 PM
Tuesday, September 24, 2002
Do you remember watching sesame street and they'd have three objects on the screen. A banana and orange and an orangutan. They'd go on to sing; {with heart!} "One of these things is not like the other!" Man, those were the good ol days. When you didn't really know, or care to know the different between a monkey and the banana he loved so well. :*)
Di-Havana Fales link
9:57 AM
So tonight I get to tell my mother I'm moving out. Should be interesting. Wish me luck! At the same time I have to pick up my printer, mattress, and other random crap. Good thing I know someone with a truck I guess.
Di-Havana Fales link
9:44 AM
Monday, September 23, 2002
Yeah. So I just got to school. and yeah. So I'm a little late. But thats all right. Hopefully. If my mother doesn't excuse it. I'm screwed. I get into trouble with a po officer. as well as I get kicked out of first hour. Not cool. Tonight I get to tell my mother I'm "moving in" with dad. Which Im' not really doing. Hes agreed to the whole I'll come see him a week out of the month. And he'll give scottie money for me to live. So yeah. It'll all be ok. Hes not such a terrible person when hes in a large group of people, mainly without my mother. I'm pretty sure scott told him not to talk abuot the divorce because since I mentioned that to scott father hasnt mentioned it once. And its been halfway decent. I'm not near forgiving him for anything. But I can deal with his presence. Especially since that means I'll get to be near my grandparents every once in a while. I've already benefited from that. I got her recipe for the bread she used to make for us when I was little.
mmm bread. I really enjoy being in this place. I cook dinner for at least three other people every night. good company. good comversation. Even when all we're doing is listening to music or watching a movie Its just, nice. I simply dread the fact that in two short years I might end up having to move out. Consideruing I'll be 18 and all. I know Scott and Dan won't care that I'm there. But there'll be college and work and eerything to keep my life busier.
It looks like I'll be getting a job in a place where both my brothers used to work. Should be interesting. Our reputation precedes us. But luckily I won't be lifeguarding like they were. I'll probably be in customer service or something. Still though, the tradition lives on. And I truly feel the need to mess with it.
>:)
Di-Havana Fales link
8:47 AM
Thursday, September 19, 2002
And so we called everyone sheep. No one really knows who came up with it. Or why. Other than when the bell rings. They stand up and go to class like the sheep that they most certainly must be! And so sheep they were. and reindeer were we. I came up with that. I decided that to be a reindeer was much more noble than to be a sheep. I, being the one exception, became a goose. So a goosy goddess I have become.
Di-Havana Fales link
10:17 AM
You are all sheep. Conforming to the set code of conduct. Hear the bell and heed its call. Fight the power! Don't be a sheep be a reindeer! And I do mean reindeer in a purely allegorical sense. So shed your hooves and don your antlers.
me?
I'm a goose, the one exception to the rule.
Di-Havana Fales link
10:14 AM
I'm so excited. I don't have to go back to mothers tonight. Yay.
Di-Havana Fales link
10:08 AM
Wednesday, September 18, 2002
Drama does seem to be the word of the year.
Di-Havana Fales link
9:55 AM
Monday, September 16, 2002
So my computer died. The battery in the motherboard/harddrive is fucked. Also the power supply might be messed up, we're not sure yet. So Scottie should be taking a look at it tonight. Or maybe he decided to not fuck with it and Dan will take it to work and have some one fix it there. I'm not sure.
Today I am Euphoric. That is the only word for it. Scottie offered last night that if it was what I wanted; to be my legal guardian. and live with him year round. Dan asked me if I was getting teary eyed, when he saw that I was he said "I think I'm going to be sick". :) It was beautiful man. So I talked to Scott, and my counselor, and the probation officer. Hopefully It will all be done in a few days. My mother tried to make me come home on Saturday and it didnt last for more than hm, 12 hours. I hope hope hope that that chapter of my life can be closed. And I can be happy living with Scott and Dan. :-D
I have been Redivivus.
The latest in Diannes world of drama and agony;
So Jakes an ass. I was talking to him. He wanted to know something. Thought I was wrong. Didn't let me explain thoroughly. And ended up looking like an ass. Although he probably still thinks hes right. So I wrote him a letter. It felt better to hit send, than it ever has to be with him. I told him I'm taking him off my buddy list and if he ever wants to talk well its his bag baby. Mail me my money and don't talk to me unless your going to be civil. I also explained to him why he was wrong, and yes was a bit mean. But sometimes I feel like I just want to break him in half and if all I can do is make myself feel better then thats all I need. I only hope he reads the email.
I am still Redivivus.
Di-Havana Fales link
9:46 AM
Thursday, September 12, 2002
Finally took the time today to read everyones blog. Havent done that in forever. I've missed it. I just never seem to have the time any more. It really rather sucks. I've been doing a little bit of writing here and there, unfortunately its never very good. Not that much of it ever was, but most of the emotion I carried with me was for Jake. Now that I have to be done with him I just dont know what to do with myself. So I sit and write and nothing interesting seems to want to flow. Actually nothing does. I have to push myself to put anything on paper, or hard disk, either way. Even then. I think I lost my muse. I tried writing happy things, I tried writing sad, But this in between feeling that I actually possess is simply, unexplainable. I lack the vocabulary to truly explain it. I dunno I guess, and I guess I'll always miss him.
Di-Havana Fales link
10:19 AM
"In the early 1900's it was legal for a man to beat his wife so long as he used a stick no thicker than his thumb."
"{holding his thumb} Well a can't do much damage with that now can ya? {grabs wrist} Perhaps it should have been the rule of wrist!"
Rule of Thumb
Di-Havana Fales link
6:27 AM
Wednesday, September 11, 2002
so jake just told me he loves me. Ugh.
Di-Havana Fales link
9:41 AM
Tuesday, September 10, 2002
So how is everyone today? I didn't go to school - again. oops. My ride didn't show up. And my legs hurt like all hell. So its all ok.
Dan just walked in the door and told me I looked real busy. tehe. Boondock Saints really is an excellent movie. I must have fallen asleep watching it the past week. My mother is making me spend the night at her house tonight. Hopefully I wont have to show up until like 9, then I can just go to bed. I don't think I'd be able to take her shit any more. Shes been on my case about going to back to live with her. I don't want to and it really stresses me out that I might have to go back there even just for a few nights.I'm so glad for scott and dan and this wonderful place to live. I'm doing better in school than I have for years. I'm happier, more relaxed than I have been in years. I'm almost happier now than I think I ever was being with Taylor, Jeremy, or Jake. Kind of scary. But its nice.And I don't want to go back. If I have to kill that stupid bitch I don't want to go back.
Di-Havana Fales link
11:37 AM
Thursday, September 05, 2002
So I talked to Jake yesterday. It was a complete waste of my time. he just wanted to come over then decided that I was just going to use him for a ride home. So I gave up and went and did a lab and took the bus home. Jackass.
Pretty boy is lookin mighty fine. But I rarely see him anymore. So oh well.
Di-Havana Fales link
9:54 AM
Tuesday, September 03, 2002
Daniel thinks Jake still loves me and just doesn't know it. I'm starting to think hes right. Jake tries his best to talk to me every once in a while. But instead of just being normal he's mean and condescending n such. So I'm starting to think Daniels right, the way he explained it, it made a lot of sense. It makes me sad though that I've had to move on from Jake to get him to become more realising of his want to have me around. The pain that used to come from thoughts of him are now just good memories, and I don't think he likes that. But its good for me. Plus I'm gettin sorta flirty with a certain someone. So there. I still had to print out daniels email and read it over and over it again. Just cause it makes me wonder.
Wonder bread isnt half s good as lumberjack.
Di-Havana Fales link
9:58 AM
