Wednesday, August 28, 2002
I just created a new eudora account on the penny of the school. Well, if I knew more about computers I could retrieve and change the password, unfortunately I am no hacker and will just have to settle for now with sending emails from my ultimate address. But that's ok, I'm like a spammer, I send you mail but when you try and send it to me, it just doesn't work. I have a permanent fatal error it says, meanwhile you keep receiving those annoying porn advertisements in your inbox, along with grannies get well card and uncle ben's gift card. Ah well what am I to do.
I've had my surgery, and speaking is a miserable thing to try right now. Smiling and laughter always end in tears now. But then again since Jake, when haven't they?
After my surgery I went home to Scott's sat on the couch with Willbur and Dan and cried. Flat out bawled. No real reason. It just needed to be done. I think it was the combination of I'll never see that skin they took away again, and that I was no more than a block (not even a big city block, just a residential street block) from Jake throughout the entire thing. But did I get to see him? No. Not even a glance. Its not that he really means something to me personally anymore, but he represents something to me now. Comfort, happiness, affection. Things that have been his domain with me for so long now that I hardly see them from anyone else, and even when I do it doesn't mean as much. The pain and heartbreak that also went with our relationship..well I saw plenty of that from other people too, and always will so its not as heavily weighing on my mind. But Dan and Willbur just sort of sat there patted me on the back and told me it would be ok, and so far they've been right.
Still, I have a court date on September 4th, and although I know I'm innocent I worry about it from time to time. I have this problem with authority you see.
I'm lucky to have a place to go. People that care enough to comfort me. If I didn't know that I might have to return to my mothers house soon, I might go so far as to call myself the luckiest teenage girl on earth. unfortunately she might make me come back to her place when we get evicted for a new place on Saturday. I hope that she won't.
Tina if your going to say anything to me you need to do it in my comments because I still don't have the net at Scott's and your webpage is blocked here at school.
Well, alls OK that ends OK. Maybe I'll post tomorrow.
Di-Havana Fales link
5:10 PM
Monday, August 26, 2002
I felt like superman
I could see the weight being lifted above my head
but I couldnt feel that I was doing it
Yes. Living where I am is nice. Dan doesn't care and really has accepted me in as family. Hes a stickler for homework being done. But thats ok, all I have to do is clean and cook, and its free rent and sometimes free lunch. Pretty good deal. Plus he makes sure I get my homework done, definately a good thing. I tend to forget these things. But class is almost over so yes.
Di-Havana Fales link
5:20 PM
Sunday, August 18, 2002
I need someone.
He promised he'd come back.
And now I miss it.
Di-Havana Fales link
11:46 PM
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
happy bday to me.
shindig? yes
Di-Havana Fales link
7:35 PM
Wednesday, August 07, 2002
Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel.
Things are going good, little fales is living with her brother and roomate. Its good, and livable, and a good bit of fun. I'm getting my lip cut open in the morning, no fun at all, but I'll get over it.I'm at work wheres theres internet, yey! But I must be off, things to do, people to see about explosives.
Di-Havana Fales link
4:58 PM
Monday, August 05, 2002
Someone please kill me, or her, or adopt me. It doesnt matter, I just need out.
Update: Looks like I'm moving in with my brother, at least until school starts. There isnt any net there so I might not be online for a while. I'll see y'all when school starts!
Di-Havana Fales link
4:00 AM
Saturday, August 03, 2002
I'm so afraid I don't have a heart anymore
I never feel like I used to
I look around and all I see is happiness
but inside all I have is me
theres no-one to share this with
and that just makes it worse
a teddy bear tells me jokes
and that makes it better for a minute
but that doesn't make this go away
or give me someone to share
teddy bear whispers in my ear
and makes me wish I was a boy
no heart and no hindrance
he speaks the truth to only me
and only he speaks the truth
is life worth living with nothing to give
or is it better when you've got nothing to hand out
because obviously theres no one
who wants it
So when I go out when I next wake
will I be able to laugh at the love I know doesn't exsist in his eyes
but that she so craftily put there
or will I feel like this again
thank you for being truthful my cuddly chum
showing me how its all worthless
and everything I'll ever have to give
is worth shit to him
So when I look inside now
I don't have anyone
not even me
Don't look now but..
I won
Di-Havana Fales link
7:03 AM
