Wednesday, April 28, 2004
The Real Meaning Of Afternoon Delight
I am really getting tired of lyrics that don't explicitely state things. I don't want to decipher abstract thoughts. I don't give a shit about simile, metaphor, or analogy. So with that in mind, I will attempt to decipher a song that has been puzzling me for decades, "Afternoon Delight"
Afternoon Delight
( Starland Vocal Band )
Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
Gonna grab some afternoon delight
My motto's always been 'when it's right, it's right'
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day
And we know the night is always gonna be there any way
Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
A little afternoon delight
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Please be waiting for me, baby, when I come around
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down
Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight!
Here is my interpretation of this complex lyrical piece.
Sex In The Afternoon
I need to locate my sex partner and hug her
I want to have sex
My philosophical view is that everything is relative
I believe I should have sex whenever I want to
In particular I wish to view my sex partner fully exposed
Besides I most likely will have sex at night
I am becoming arroused thinking of you in a sexual manner
I want to have sex with you
Our body parts intermingling during sex results in an orgasm
Again, the thought of having sex with you causes me to become arroused
Penis stiffening by arrousal
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
This morning I woke up without any arroused feeling
I had believed that not being arroused would mean I would not wish to have sex
You are arroused therefore I will have sex with you
Some sex in the afternoon
Penis stiffening by arrousal
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
Please do not have an orgasm until I do
We have the potential of more orgasms before nightfall
I am becoming arroused thinking of you in a sexual manner
I want to have sex with you
Our body parts intermingling during sex results in an orgasm
Again, the thought of having sex with you causes me to become arroused
Penis stiffening by arrousal
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon!
Afternoon Delight
( Starland Vocal Band )
Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
Gonna grab some afternoon delight
My motto's always been 'when it's right, it's right'
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day
And we know the night is always gonna be there any way
Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
A little afternoon delight
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Please be waiting for me, baby, when I come around
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down
Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight!
Here is my interpretation of this complex lyrical piece.
Sex In The Afternoon
I need to locate my sex partner and hug her
I want to have sex
My philosophical view is that everything is relative
I believe I should have sex whenever I want to
In particular I wish to view my sex partner fully exposed
Besides I most likely will have sex at night
I am becoming arroused thinking of you in a sexual manner
I want to have sex with you
Our body parts intermingling during sex results in an orgasm
Again, the thought of having sex with you causes me to become arroused
Penis stiffening by arrousal
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
This morning I woke up without any arroused feeling
I had believed that not being arroused would mean I would not wish to have sex
You are arroused therefore I will have sex with you
Some sex in the afternoon
Penis stiffening by arrousal
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
Please do not have an orgasm until I do
We have the potential of more orgasms before nightfall
I am becoming arroused thinking of you in a sexual manner
I want to have sex with you
Our body parts intermingling during sex results in an orgasm
Again, the thought of having sex with you causes me to become arroused
Penis stiffening by arrousal
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon
Sex in the afternoon!
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
An American Struggle Against The Evils of Tyranical Evil Doers
I'm a good citizen. I took a stand for all which is right & sacred in America - & I called 911 on a bum! It was Monday afternoon, & I was walking from the MLK MARTA Station on my way home, when I approached the entrance to Oakland Cemetary (Atlanta's old city cemetary) & saw a young woman in a pink jacket throwing a tombstone over her head into the street. She then proceeded to walk towards the nearby street Memorial Drive.
What was I to do? Do I dare contest her super human powers? Do I confont her & tell her that it was wrong & she should clean it up & apologize? Do I beat her ass?
No! I do what any gentrifying yuppie pussy male would do - I called 911! Yaay for me! I was thinking that the media will be reporting of a corageous man who sensibly rides public transit that faced terrorism & called for help.
I talked to the 911 dispatcher (read it in William Shatner's voice, if your impersonation isn't good then try Scotty's or Spock's) & reported that she made her getaway to a local pub 6 Feet Under on Memorial Dr. I gave her my name & cell phone number & I told her I would follow her in. I was surprised that the 911 dispatcher didn't scream back "No man! That would be a suicide mission!" but she didn't, perhaps she could tell that I was stealthy & smart (that much is true, on a scale of 100 my Security ranking is 64 on Morrowind & I extensively trained myself on Syphon Filter).
At the pub it was reported that she was in the restroom washing up. What if the police show up & she made her escape? Is there a back entrance? Is she going to hurt me or touch me requiring me to wash my delicate skin? I waited. She eventually reappeared & asked for a water. The wait staff excellently took their time & attempted to divert her attention - "Great job crew! You were a rag tag bunch but I turned you into a tight squad of getting a bum to stay longer in an climate controled environment where she can sit & smoke a cigarette so she doesn't have to be outside with no water & walk all the time facing the dangers of getting killed."
Then the police arrived. I sighed a big relief, but I have got to keep my cool. I need to notify the police without raising suspicion. If she realizes that she is in a trap - who knows what kind of action she will take! Again, the danger of her touching me made me realize what was truly at stake. But I did it - I spoke to the officer & she apprehended her. I explained the whole thing, & despite the admiration & love everyone had for me I walked home alone. Defiant, a lone hero in a personal battle against terrorism. I proudly roared: "You may blow up my buildings & cause my favorite sitcoms to be preempted Bin Laden, but you will not desecrate my historic cemetary!"
Because the winds of freedom are wisping through my hair as the hands of tyrany are cut off by the sword of justice.
What was I to do? Do I dare contest her super human powers? Do I confont her & tell her that it was wrong & she should clean it up & apologize? Do I beat her ass?
No! I do what any gentrifying yuppie pussy male would do - I called 911! Yaay for me! I was thinking that the media will be reporting of a corageous man who sensibly rides public transit that faced terrorism & called for help.
I talked to the 911 dispatcher (read it in William Shatner's voice, if your impersonation isn't good then try Scotty's or Spock's) & reported that she made her getaway to a local pub 6 Feet Under on Memorial Dr. I gave her my name & cell phone number & I told her I would follow her in. I was surprised that the 911 dispatcher didn't scream back "No man! That would be a suicide mission!" but she didn't, perhaps she could tell that I was stealthy & smart (that much is true, on a scale of 100 my Security ranking is 64 on Morrowind & I extensively trained myself on Syphon Filter).
At the pub it was reported that she was in the restroom washing up. What if the police show up & she made her escape? Is there a back entrance? Is she going to hurt me or touch me requiring me to wash my delicate skin? I waited. She eventually reappeared & asked for a water. The wait staff excellently took their time & attempted to divert her attention - "Great job crew! You were a rag tag bunch but I turned you into a tight squad of getting a bum to stay longer in an climate controled environment where she can sit & smoke a cigarette so she doesn't have to be outside with no water & walk all the time facing the dangers of getting killed."
Then the police arrived. I sighed a big relief, but I have got to keep my cool. I need to notify the police without raising suspicion. If she realizes that she is in a trap - who knows what kind of action she will take! Again, the danger of her touching me made me realize what was truly at stake. But I did it - I spoke to the officer & she apprehended her. I explained the whole thing, & despite the admiration & love everyone had for me I walked home alone. Defiant, a lone hero in a personal battle against terrorism. I proudly roared: "You may blow up my buildings & cause my favorite sitcoms to be preempted Bin Laden, but you will not desecrate my historic cemetary!"
Because the winds of freedom are wisping through my hair as the hands of tyrany are cut off by the sword of justice.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
News Flash: Monica Gives Joey A Rimjob! Also - Millions Dead In China
I'm sure this isn't new, but 'm seeing it a lot more - at least here in Asslanta. What goes on the TV between 8 & 11 is big news. Primarily the American Idol phenomenon - which I'm clueless. I have watched the program before, I really enjoyed the first couple of episodes laughing at the crappy singers. But the show got old once it started becoming a tame version of 'The Running Man'. And in Asslanta there is some teen hussey from some suburb that's in it - and not just the local Fox news program, but all the other news programs are reporting on this shit! A news channel actually showed live coverage of some teenagers passing out brochures on NOT an environmental cause, or racism, or against a war - but encouraging people to watch the fucking tv show, call the phone line (which I guess costs money) & vote for the harlet.
But someone please explain to me what the interest is in this tv show! I don't get it & I especially don't understand why I need to wait 5 minutes to find out when the meteor is going to hit earth. And if it's not American Idol then it's The Apprentice. A show about people trying to get a job. No! You're fucking kidding me - a TV SHOW ABOUT PEOPLE TRYING TO GET A JOB! It's even on the national network tv news - Tom Brokaw is breaking in during a live conference held by Zokar an alien that is announcing that humans will be destroyed so we can find out if the contestants succesfully filled out their W2 forms correctly.
Ok - I'm out of juice, so here ends my rant of the week.
But someone please explain to me what the interest is in this tv show! I don't get it & I especially don't understand why I need to wait 5 minutes to find out when the meteor is going to hit earth. And if it's not American Idol then it's The Apprentice. A show about people trying to get a job. No! You're fucking kidding me - a TV SHOW ABOUT PEOPLE TRYING TO GET A JOB! It's even on the national network tv news - Tom Brokaw is breaking in during a live conference held by Zokar an alien that is announcing that humans will be destroyed so we can find out if the contestants succesfully filled out their W2 forms correctly.
Ok - I'm out of juice, so here ends my rant of the week.
Friday, April 09, 2004
Thank you Something Awful
I'm assuming everyone knows & loves Something Awful. I'm not here to preach how brilliant & perfect this website is - but to add to my wishlist. Yes, I'm going to create a wishlist just like all those preteen suburban webwhores. It cost $60 so if some Daddy Warbucks wants me to email a picture of my mantitty I'll do it.
I want this mommy if you're reading this. I admit I wore sports-oriented shirts when I was growing up, but that's because I grew up in a backwards mill town in South Carolina - I didn't know any better. But now I notice everyone is always walking around being a corporate whore. Sorry for being so racial, but Afro-Americans in particular - I understand it must be some source of pride to see so many people of race excelling & making fuckloads of money. But the question must be asked - What the fuck?
This is the fuck: professional sports are corporations, and just as factories - they set the price as far up as dumb fucks are willing to pay (tickets, t-shirts, football shaped phones) & will relocate on a dime if a more profitable opportunity comes up. But here's the catch - they are paraded around like an essential civic oriented good! Every prospering town must have a professional sports team, b/c otherwise they aren't quite 'there'. So taxpayers spend millions to bribe the sports factory to move (even when they had a close civic identity for generations) so the factory can capatilize the situation. And when they want a new corporate headquarters (stadium, arena), the taxpayers better pay up or they'll leave on the drop of a hat.
So you ask - what the fuck? Again, here's the fuck - why don't I see more people wearing Sunbeam Bread Is The Motherfucking Bomb! t-shirts? Personally, I can count on Sunbeam bread satisfying me more than a Asslanta Fuckers game. But I guess this is the age of globalism, we're all a walking billboard for companies - like $10 t-shirts that sell for $50 because they say Tommy Hilfilger & some beat up starving kid in Russia is wearing a Superbowl Shuffle baseball cap.
I want this mommy if you're reading this. I admit I wore sports-oriented shirts when I was growing up, but that's because I grew up in a backwards mill town in South Carolina - I didn't know any better. But now I notice everyone is always walking around being a corporate whore. Sorry for being so racial, but Afro-Americans in particular - I understand it must be some source of pride to see so many people of race excelling & making fuckloads of money. But the question must be asked - What the fuck?
This is the fuck: professional sports are corporations, and just as factories - they set the price as far up as dumb fucks are willing to pay (tickets, t-shirts, football shaped phones) & will relocate on a dime if a more profitable opportunity comes up. But here's the catch - they are paraded around like an essential civic oriented good! Every prospering town must have a professional sports team, b/c otherwise they aren't quite 'there'. So taxpayers spend millions to bribe the sports factory to move (even when they had a close civic identity for generations) so the factory can capatilize the situation. And when they want a new corporate headquarters (stadium, arena), the taxpayers better pay up or they'll leave on the drop of a hat.
So you ask - what the fuck? Again, here's the fuck - why don't I see more people wearing Sunbeam Bread Is The Motherfucking Bomb! t-shirts? Personally, I can count on Sunbeam bread satisfying me more than a Asslanta Fuckers game. But I guess this is the age of globalism, we're all a walking billboard for companies - like $10 t-shirts that sell for $50 because they say Tommy Hilfilger & some beat up starving kid in Russia is wearing a Superbowl Shuffle baseball cap.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Silly Christians!
My female counterpart forwarded an email from her stupid step-sister from Texas. And in typical Texas fashion, it was a ignorant bible waving flag stumping 'yeehaw suck Bush's dick' type of schpeel. Here is the email:
>Subject: FW: BOYCOT PEPSI Date: Mon, 5 Apr 2004 08:04:58 -0500
>
>
>
>Don't buy Pepsi in the new can. Pepsi has a new "patriotic" can
coming out
>with pictures of the Empire State Bldg. and the Pledge of Allegiance
on
>them. However, Pepsi left out two little words on the pledge, "Under
God".
>
>Pepsi said they did not want to offend anyone. If this is true, then
we
>don't want to offend anyone at the Pepsi corporate office. So if we
don't
>buy any Pepsi product, they will not be offended when they don't
receive
>our
>money that has the words "In God We Trust" on it.
>
>HOW FAST CAN YOU FORWARD THIS ONE?
What the fuck? But because I don't want to divide an already divided family I chose not to respond, though my lady did. Here's my theoretical response to my responding to the rednecks lady though:
I have to disagree with you (wife), obviously (stupid cunt step-sister)
is joining the boycotts of Russell Simmons (for firing
Ludacris from the Pepsi ads), Canadian laborists (for
poor working conditions at Pepsi plants), & Arabic &
Europeans for the US's war on the Iraqi people.
But don't forget to boycot the following:
Pizza Hut
KFC
Taco Bell
Lay's potato chips
Lays Kettle Cooked potato chips
Wavy Lay's potato chips
Baked Lay's potato crisps
Maui Style potato chips
Ruffles potato chips
Baked Ruffles potato crisps
Ruffles Flavor Rush potato chips
Doritos tortilla chips
Baked Doritos tortilla chips
3D's snacks
Tostitos tortilla chips
Baked Tostitos tortilla chips
Santitas tortilla chips
Fritos corn chips
Cheetos cheese flavored snacks
Rold Gold pretzels & snack mix
Funyuns onion flavored rings
Go Snacks
Sunchips multigrain snacks
Sabritones puffed wheat snacks
Cracker Jack candy coated popcorn
Chester's popcorn
Grandma's cookies
Pepsi-Cola
Caffeine Free Pepsi
Diet Pepsi
Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi
Pepsi Twist (regular & diet)
Wild Cherry Pepsi
Pepsi Blue
Pepsi ONE
Pepsi Vanilla
Diet Mountain Dew
Mountain Dew Code Red
Diet Mountain Dew Code Red
Mountain Dew LiveWire
Mountain Dew Blueshock
Mountain Dew AMP energy drink
Gatorade Thirst Quencher
Gatorade Frost Thirst Quencher
Tropicana Pure Premium juices
Tropicana Twister juice drinks
Tropicana Smoothies
Quaker Oatmeal
Quaker Instant Oatmeal
Quaker Oatmeal Breakfast Squares
Cap'n Crunch cereal
Life cereal
Quaker Oatmeal Brown Sugar Bliss
Quaker Oatmeal Honey Nut Heaven
Quaker 100% Natural cereal
Quaker Squares cereal
Quisp cereal
King Vitaman cereal
Quaker Oh's! Cereal
Mother's cereal
Quaker grits
Quaker Oatmeal-to-Go
Aunt Jemima mixes & syrups
Quaker rice cakes
Because they are all owned by Pepsi as well.
I'd like to see those fat Texas rednecks chew on that one for a while.
>Subject: FW: BOYCOT PEPSI Date: Mon, 5 Apr 2004 08:04:58 -0500
>
>
>
>Don't buy Pepsi in the new can. Pepsi has a new "patriotic" can
coming out
>with pictures of the Empire State Bldg. and the Pledge of Allegiance
on
>them. However, Pepsi left out two little words on the pledge, "Under
God".
>
>Pepsi said they did not want to offend anyone. If this is true, then
we
>don't want to offend anyone at the Pepsi corporate office. So if we
don't
>buy any Pepsi product, they will not be offended when they don't
receive
>our
>money that has the words "In God We Trust" on it.
>
>HOW FAST CAN YOU FORWARD THIS ONE?
What the fuck? But because I don't want to divide an already divided family I chose not to respond, though my lady did. Here's my theoretical response to my responding to the rednecks lady though:
I have to disagree with you (wife), obviously (stupid cunt step-sister)
is joining the boycotts of Russell Simmons (for firing
Ludacris from the Pepsi ads), Canadian laborists (for
poor working conditions at Pepsi plants), & Arabic &
Europeans for the US's war on the Iraqi people.
But don't forget to boycot the following:
Pizza Hut
KFC
Taco Bell
Lay's potato chips
Lays Kettle Cooked potato chips
Wavy Lay's potato chips
Baked Lay's potato crisps
Maui Style potato chips
Ruffles potato chips
Baked Ruffles potato crisps
Ruffles Flavor Rush potato chips
Doritos tortilla chips
Baked Doritos tortilla chips
3D's snacks
Tostitos tortilla chips
Baked Tostitos tortilla chips
Santitas tortilla chips
Fritos corn chips
Cheetos cheese flavored snacks
Rold Gold pretzels & snack mix
Funyuns onion flavored rings
Go Snacks
Sunchips multigrain snacks
Sabritones puffed wheat snacks
Cracker Jack candy coated popcorn
Chester's popcorn
Grandma's cookies
Pepsi-Cola
Caffeine Free Pepsi
Diet Pepsi
Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi
Pepsi Twist (regular & diet)
Wild Cherry Pepsi
Pepsi Blue
Pepsi ONE
Pepsi Vanilla
Diet Mountain Dew
Mountain Dew Code Red
Diet Mountain Dew Code Red
Mountain Dew LiveWire
Mountain Dew Blueshock
Mountain Dew AMP energy drink
Gatorade Thirst Quencher
Gatorade Frost Thirst Quencher
Tropicana Pure Premium juices
Tropicana Twister juice drinks
Tropicana Smoothies
Quaker Oatmeal
Quaker Instant Oatmeal
Quaker Oatmeal Breakfast Squares
Cap'n Crunch cereal
Life cereal
Quaker Oatmeal Brown Sugar Bliss
Quaker Oatmeal Honey Nut Heaven
Quaker 100% Natural cereal
Quaker Squares cereal
Quisp cereal
King Vitaman cereal
Quaker Oh's! Cereal
Mother's cereal
Quaker grits
Quaker Oatmeal-to-Go
Aunt Jemima mixes & syrups
Quaker rice cakes
Because they are all owned by Pepsi as well.
I'd like to see those fat Texas rednecks chew on that one for a while.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Movie Moments I Identify With
Yeah, I'm a movie geek. But there are just some movie moments that are right on the money.
It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Ah, fuck it.
I can't think of any other quotes now, I had the best intentions but my mind is a blank. So here are some films with scenes that has some significance to my life.
Sometimes you're too busy with your personal obsessions to not realize that true love is under your nose. At least I would like to think in Rushmore Max finds true love with Margaret Yang - but it's a nice thought. Years ago I couldn't have a single thought that didn't involve me & my despair until it dawned on me that none of that matters. Shit this is really sappy, but you get the idea, I got the girl.
It's not nearly this bad - but watching Matchstick Men did make me a little uncomfortable. OCD sucks.
No, my dad didn't kill people, but the Road to Perdition did remind me of my relationship with my dad. It wasn't that he didn't love me, he just didn't know how to show it. One of Tom Hank's few redeeming roles that doesn't involve apple pie & wispy clouds against a blue sky, he plays a dad that still doesn't understand what a dad is supposed to be. And I guess a lot of dads from my dad's generation was like that - they worked, paid the bills, & that was enough.
It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Ah, fuck it.
I can't think of any other quotes now, I had the best intentions but my mind is a blank. So here are some films with scenes that has some significance to my life.
Sometimes you're too busy with your personal obsessions to not realize that true love is under your nose. At least I would like to think in Rushmore Max finds true love with Margaret Yang - but it's a nice thought. Years ago I couldn't have a single thought that didn't involve me & my despair until it dawned on me that none of that matters. Shit this is really sappy, but you get the idea, I got the girl.
It's not nearly this bad - but watching Matchstick Men did make me a little uncomfortable. OCD sucks.
No, my dad didn't kill people, but the Road to Perdition did remind me of my relationship with my dad. It wasn't that he didn't love me, he just didn't know how to show it. One of Tom Hank's few redeeming roles that doesn't involve apple pie & wispy clouds against a blue sky, he plays a dad that still doesn't understand what a dad is supposed to be. And I guess a lot of dads from my dad's generation was like that - they worked, paid the bills, & that was enough.
