Tuesday, April 27, 2004
An American Struggle Against The Evils of Tyranical Evil Doers
I'm a good citizen. I took a stand for all which is right & sacred in America - & I called 911 on a bum! It was Monday afternoon, & I was walking from the MLK MARTA Station on my way home, when I approached the entrance to Oakland Cemetary (Atlanta's old city cemetary) & saw a young woman in a pink jacket throwing a tombstone over her head into the street. She then proceeded to walk towards the nearby street Memorial Drive.
What was I to do? Do I dare contest her super human powers? Do I confont her & tell her that it was wrong & she should clean it up & apologize? Do I beat her ass?
No! I do what any gentrifying yuppie pussy male would do - I called 911! Yaay for me! I was thinking that the media will be reporting of a corageous man who sensibly rides public transit that faced terrorism & called for help.
I talked to the 911 dispatcher (read it in William Shatner's voice, if your impersonation isn't good then try Scotty's or Spock's) & reported that she made her getaway to a local pub 6 Feet Under on Memorial Dr. I gave her my name & cell phone number & I told her I would follow her in. I was surprised that the 911 dispatcher didn't scream back "No man! That would be a suicide mission!" but she didn't, perhaps she could tell that I was stealthy & smart (that much is true, on a scale of 100 my Security ranking is 64 on Morrowind & I extensively trained myself on Syphon Filter).
At the pub it was reported that she was in the restroom washing up. What if the police show up & she made her escape? Is there a back entrance? Is she going to hurt me or touch me requiring me to wash my delicate skin? I waited. She eventually reappeared & asked for a water. The wait staff excellently took their time & attempted to divert her attention - "Great job crew! You were a rag tag bunch but I turned you into a tight squad of getting a bum to stay longer in an climate controled environment where she can sit & smoke a cigarette so she doesn't have to be outside with no water & walk all the time facing the dangers of getting killed."
Then the police arrived. I sighed a big relief, but I have got to keep my cool. I need to notify the police without raising suspicion. If she realizes that she is in a trap - who knows what kind of action she will take! Again, the danger of her touching me made me realize what was truly at stake. But I did it - I spoke to the officer & she apprehended her. I explained the whole thing, & despite the admiration & love everyone had for me I walked home alone. Defiant, a lone hero in a personal battle against terrorism. I proudly roared: "You may blow up my buildings & cause my favorite sitcoms to be preempted Bin Laden, but you will not desecrate my historic cemetary!"
Because the winds of freedom are wisping through my hair as the hands of tyrany are cut off by the sword of justice.
What was I to do? Do I dare contest her super human powers? Do I confont her & tell her that it was wrong & she should clean it up & apologize? Do I beat her ass?
No! I do what any gentrifying yuppie pussy male would do - I called 911! Yaay for me! I was thinking that the media will be reporting of a corageous man who sensibly rides public transit that faced terrorism & called for help.
I talked to the 911 dispatcher (read it in William Shatner's voice, if your impersonation isn't good then try Scotty's or Spock's) & reported that she made her getaway to a local pub 6 Feet Under on Memorial Dr. I gave her my name & cell phone number & I told her I would follow her in. I was surprised that the 911 dispatcher didn't scream back "No man! That would be a suicide mission!" but she didn't, perhaps she could tell that I was stealthy & smart (that much is true, on a scale of 100 my Security ranking is 64 on Morrowind & I extensively trained myself on Syphon Filter).
At the pub it was reported that she was in the restroom washing up. What if the police show up & she made her escape? Is there a back entrance? Is she going to hurt me or touch me requiring me to wash my delicate skin? I waited. She eventually reappeared & asked for a water. The wait staff excellently took their time & attempted to divert her attention - "Great job crew! You were a rag tag bunch but I turned you into a tight squad of getting a bum to stay longer in an climate controled environment where she can sit & smoke a cigarette so she doesn't have to be outside with no water & walk all the time facing the dangers of getting killed."
Then the police arrived. I sighed a big relief, but I have got to keep my cool. I need to notify the police without raising suspicion. If she realizes that she is in a trap - who knows what kind of action she will take! Again, the danger of her touching me made me realize what was truly at stake. But I did it - I spoke to the officer & she apprehended her. I explained the whole thing, & despite the admiration & love everyone had for me I walked home alone. Defiant, a lone hero in a personal battle against terrorism. I proudly roared: "You may blow up my buildings & cause my favorite sitcoms to be preempted Bin Laden, but you will not desecrate my historic cemetary!"
Because the winds of freedom are wisping through my hair as the hands of tyrany are cut off by the sword of justice.
